Mar. 21st, 2015

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It was really windy. The wind blew my hat off and I had to chase it like a mad woman across the beach. Sand hit my exposed ankles like a million tiny pin pricks.

Panic played with a doodle and chased the waves and the seagulls.

Tomorrow I go back. I'm scared to go back. A peer of mine died over spring break while backpacking. I didn't know him, but many of my close friends did. A professor I had last semester died a few weeks ago. She had cancer, but she died in a car crash. My best friend in back in rehab. I don't understand any of my relationships, not even with myself. This is an overwhelming time, but that's not new. It's been overwhelming for months and months. I'm worried I'll become numb to it all. Some days I want to run away and hide, and other days I want to throw myself right into the heart of it.

The ocean is so uncomprehesively large, it is easy to obtain a sense of infinity by staring at it. It can make you feel overwhelmed and fearful and very very tiny. But people have crossed it. People have crossed it, but not alone. 

September 2016


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