May. 15th, 2015

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I found myself in an interesting metaphor on Tuesday. I was set to drive home to Louisville from Wooster with all my things, a solo task that results in my tiny car being filled to the brim, back seat, front seat, trunk. This year I volunteered at the last minute to transport two people with me who had no other options left. I found myself trying to fit all of the contents of my life into the trunk to make room for these people and their things. I had to get rid or leave behind a lot in order to fit them. A great metaphor perhaps for the personal sacrifices you have to make in order to help others. In the past, maybe even sometime last year, those sacrifices would have been personally detrimental, but in reality all the things I left behind were things I didn't need anyway. I am extremely happy to get rid of things I don't need to make room for people I care about. The way I'm learning to care for other people now is a way that is also nourishing to myself.

Sappy, I know, but I'm trying so incredibly hard to focus on the things I've gained from this school year rather than all the awful things--all the times I found myself driving on country roads in the middle of the night screaming and crying at the top of my lungs, breaking glass bottles on the side of my house, down down down into the depths of depression that I haven't felt in years, watching others struggle with death, struggle with substance abuse, struggle with mental illness, struggle with academics, struggle with idea of having to live at all anymore...

This year, the craziest year of my life, I made it. I made it to summer. Not because I was strong, but because there is no other option but to make it. Time keeps moving forward and the universe really doesn't give a shit.

(tiny snapshots of me and some of my lovely friends that just graduated)
I'm here in Louisville for the next two weeks before moving to Chicago. Lots of reading and lots of dog drawing to be done in that time. Oh, and breathing. Lots and lots of breathing.

September 2016


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