The story of me and Toby, and Post-Maxie Life pt. 2

[aardogs]

part 1



Once I gave up on Toby and decided I needed a border collie, we started fostering for border collie rescue so I could get some experience with the breed and find the right dog. Our first foster was Laila, a very sweet 8 month old tri girl. She was so sweet and so smart, a very easy introduction to the breed. It wasn't a love connection for me, but I loved working with her and Toby and Maxie seemed totally fine with her. Laila was all set to move up to Michigan and start her new life when Toby attacked her.

It happened seemingly out of nowhere. Toby was running in the yard with a toy, Laila came towards him parallel. He dropped the toy and latched onto her head. And shook her. And would not let go. This is another memory that is etched in my mind. I can't say how long it was before my mom and I managed to detach him, but it seemed like forever. Never, ever, ever, in my wildest dreams would I have guessed that would have happened. From my perspective, Toby had never shown any signs of aggression. Certainly the attack was without warning. No growling, snarling, nothing? Laila, ultimately, was fine. I think we can owe that to the fact that Toby is a golden retriever, probably not a lot of jaw strength there.

After this incident, a few things happened. The good thing that happened was that both my mom and I realized that we needed to learn a lot more about dog behavior. The bad thing was that Toby started reacting very strongly to the sight of any and all border collies. The resentment I started feeling towards Toby was awful. I don't think it is a stretch to say that I hated him. He had been around so many dogs without issue, so many foster dogs passed through our home, so why her? And now, all border collies. This one dog stood in the way of what I wanted for so many years.

These feelings, luckily, did not stop me from learning everything I could about stress, fear, and aggression in dogs. I attribute most of my education and Toby's training to a few different sources: Control Unleashed, Click to Calm by Emma Parsons, Protocol for Relaxation by Karen Overall, and Calming Signals by Turid Rugaas. Ultimately, it was my mom who worked with him the most, as at this point we had both decided that I really shouldn't be doing anything with Toby because he essentially could not function without her. Which was fine with me, of course, since I was not very fond of him.

In the time that we've had him, Toby has attacked two different dogs in the same manner, with Laila being the first. The last one was nearly 7 years ago now. My mother and I both have gotten good at telling where his threshold is and how to manage his stress level. We also began to realize just how stressed out Toby was all the time, and I mean ALL the time. We have learned to read more subtle signs of stress and potential reactivity/aggression. Toby, in turn, has gained a much higher threshold for stress and has learned more obvious and appropriate body language for interacting with other dogs.

Panic came into my life about a year after all of this began. For the first few months I had him, I was living exclusively with my father. Panic and Toby never saw one another. The first time we attempted to introduce them, Toby began reacting before he even saw Panic--the thinking being that he had smelled Panic on me and recognized the scent from afar. I was discouraged, but I knew it had to work out. Panic was my dog, and nothing was going to get in the way of that. It took us about six months (and a lot of work) to integrate them into the same household. Today, they certainly coexist peacefully. Definitely best case scenario.



I thought I'd be able to wrap this up in two parts, but there will have to be one more.

Comments

[winniepoodle.livejournal.com]

Wow. I am so glad you are telling this story.

[aardogs.livejournal.com]

Me too, it's felt so good to write it all down. I should write more, I think!

[teaguestoy.livejournal.com]

Thanks for sharing - I just read part one as well, after having been away from LJ for a few days. These stories, and I know many of us have similar flavored stories, if with different players, are so powerful to share because they are about our soft parts - where we haven't been what WE see as our best, and so it's easy to hide them. No need.... I'm so glad that Toby has come so far, that is wonderful. It's great that he and Panic can be together, that must be a huge relief at this point. Thanks again

[aardogs.livejournal.com]

It's definitely been easy to hide and well, there's a ton of things that are very easy to hide. But now I'm really seeing the value of sharing my journey and I know how much I value others sharing theirs as well.

[penichops.livejournal.com]

Holy crap I think you might be magical

[aardogs.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah? News to me!

[semperfido.livejournal.com]

Wow, how terrifying. I'm so glad you found a way to deal with his stress and integrate with Panic.

[aardogs.livejournal.com]

Yes, we were definitely lucky in the end, it could have gone a much different way. Very happy we tried so hard and it worked out so well.

[nosemovie.livejournal.com]

I wish more people tried... like you and your Mom -- instead of just giving up. Instead of just saying "this is the way it is"

But I also understand how life's circumstances and just our own emotional limitations can make it too difficult to give it what it needs.

Still -- stories like yours help me know that people CAN do it... With the right knowledge and the right circumstance.

Thanks for sharing. Seriously.

[aardogs.livejournal.com]

If there is one trait that my mom and I share (other than loving Star Trek) it's our stubbornness. In many cases that is a bad thing, in this case it worked out well. I really haven't heard a lot of stories like ours in the agility world, but I'm sure they are out there and at this point in my life it feels very important to share it.

[meecie.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad you're writing about this. We haven't been LJ "Friends" for very long, and it's really letting me get to know about you. Congrats for all the work you've done, and progress you've made.

[aardogs.livejournal.com]

Thank you...it's a story I've not really told and was unsure about how to tell it. I just felt like it was important to share at this point, and it felt really great to put it all out there as well.

[moodypdx.livejournal.com]

Oh Toby, I had no idea...

[aardogs.livejournal.com]

Yeah, obviously it's really not something I've ever mentioned. Feels good to recall it all now though.