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Dealing with...everything
Jun. 16th, 2011 05:17 pmNE Regionals
Panic and I did not do well. We did not get a team Q, steeplechase Q, a grand prix Q, we did not get dozens of IFCS points, etc. etc.
But those are just facts, and they don't tell you anything. Its hard when people ask how we did because they want the facts, and the facts DON'T tell anyone how we did at all. They don't tell you how much fun we had or all the glimmers of awesome potential I saw in our performance.
I didn't go into the weekend with any expectations, but even if you don't "have expectations" it is impossible not to have expectations. Or hopes, maybe, is a better word. I didn't expect us to make the finals in either event, but I really really hoped that we would. I mean, why wouldn't you hope to do well? When we didn't, I was bummed. But only because I forgot to put things in perspective and when I started to compare myself to others instead of focuses on ourselves.
I went into the weekend thinking that if we just had a lot of fun that would translate into fabulous performance. I had this mindset because I didn't want to have any pressure to "do well". Well that really backfired, because it ended up that my attitude equaled sloppy performance and borderline apathy that eventually moved into extreme nervousness and feeling like we couldn't do anything.
If I am making it seem like we bombed every run out there, that's not the case. It was little things in every run, and we only had one offcourse all weekend. And we did have some clean runs. Panic was running really well, I just wasn't holding up my end of the deal. I was not in the right mindset. I did not expect this weekend to be as physically and emotionally draining as it was, but it was really really difficult.
We gained so much from going to Regionals that I know I haven't even processed it all. I think it was the best experience that Panic and I could have had. I think it is what we needed to move forward. We have never traveled more than four hours to a show and never been to such a high pressure event. I don't count USDAA Nationals last year because for one we were only in Steeplechase, and since it was a local show for us it definitely didn't feel as "big event" or as pressure filled as this was.
Sometimes I feel as though I think a little bit too lofty for the two of us, but I just don't want to be the person that does local trials year and after year and never goes up. There is nothing wrong with that at all, that's just not what I want. Even if we don't do well at higher level competitions like Regionals or Nationals, I want to be there. I loved it, I loved the atmosphere and all of the fabulous people and just everything. I met some fantastic people and watched some absolutely wonderful teams.
By the end of the weekend I knew exactly where we were as a team and what I needed to do. For our last run, IHC Jumpers, I was near giddy with excitement to run the course. I often get excited to run agility, but I have never felt like that before I run. I KNEW we would do well and I couldn't wait to get out there. That's the difference in our performance; hoping to do well versus knowing we could do well. I was incredibly nervous in a great way versus being nervous in a way that is detrimental to us. Panic fed off of me all weekend, positively or negatively, and going out to run the last course he was SO ready. We ran the course and it was awesome. It was the best run we have ever had. It was the most fun I have ever had. It was pretty great.
I'm glad we didn't do very well results wise. If we had, I wouldn't have done anything to change my attitude or performance. Maybe that is just my way of making myself feel better, but I really do think we learned a lot.
Sometimes I forget that Panic is truly my first agility dog, that I have only had him for three years and didn't have the luxury to raise him and mold him from a puppy, (not that that fact matters much) and that in general he is just a very difficult dog to run with his crazy stride and drifty tendencies. I need to remember how hard it was just to keep him on course when we first started. I think I should be a little bit proud of myself and especially proud of him for trying so hard with everything he does. Everyone has their own path to success and some people's paths are a lot shorter than others, but I truly do think we can get there in our own time. I know that there is no other dog that I could be sharing these experiences with.
Panic and I did not do well. We did not get a team Q, steeplechase Q, a grand prix Q, we did not get dozens of IFCS points, etc. etc.
But those are just facts, and they don't tell you anything. Its hard when people ask how we did because they want the facts, and the facts DON'T tell anyone how we did at all. They don't tell you how much fun we had or all the glimmers of awesome potential I saw in our performance.
I didn't go into the weekend with any expectations, but even if you don't "have expectations" it is impossible not to have expectations. Or hopes, maybe, is a better word. I didn't expect us to make the finals in either event, but I really really hoped that we would. I mean, why wouldn't you hope to do well? When we didn't, I was bummed. But only because I forgot to put things in perspective and when I started to compare myself to others instead of focuses on ourselves.
I went into the weekend thinking that if we just had a lot of fun that would translate into fabulous performance. I had this mindset because I didn't want to have any pressure to "do well". Well that really backfired, because it ended up that my attitude equaled sloppy performance and borderline apathy that eventually moved into extreme nervousness and feeling like we couldn't do anything.
If I am making it seem like we bombed every run out there, that's not the case. It was little things in every run, and we only had one offcourse all weekend. And we did have some clean runs. Panic was running really well, I just wasn't holding up my end of the deal. I was not in the right mindset. I did not expect this weekend to be as physically and emotionally draining as it was, but it was really really difficult.
We gained so much from going to Regionals that I know I haven't even processed it all. I think it was the best experience that Panic and I could have had. I think it is what we needed to move forward. We have never traveled more than four hours to a show and never been to such a high pressure event. I don't count USDAA Nationals last year because for one we were only in Steeplechase, and since it was a local show for us it definitely didn't feel as "big event" or as pressure filled as this was.
Sometimes I feel as though I think a little bit too lofty for the two of us, but I just don't want to be the person that does local trials year and after year and never goes up. There is nothing wrong with that at all, that's just not what I want. Even if we don't do well at higher level competitions like Regionals or Nationals, I want to be there. I loved it, I loved the atmosphere and all of the fabulous people and just everything. I met some fantastic people and watched some absolutely wonderful teams.
By the end of the weekend I knew exactly where we were as a team and what I needed to do. For our last run, IHC Jumpers, I was near giddy with excitement to run the course. I often get excited to run agility, but I have never felt like that before I run. I KNEW we would do well and I couldn't wait to get out there. That's the difference in our performance; hoping to do well versus knowing we could do well. I was incredibly nervous in a great way versus being nervous in a way that is detrimental to us. Panic fed off of me all weekend, positively or negatively, and going out to run the last course he was SO ready. We ran the course and it was awesome. It was the best run we have ever had. It was the most fun I have ever had. It was pretty great.
I'm glad we didn't do very well results wise. If we had, I wouldn't have done anything to change my attitude or performance. Maybe that is just my way of making myself feel better, but I really do think we learned a lot.
Sometimes I forget that Panic is truly my first agility dog, that I have only had him for three years and didn't have the luxury to raise him and mold him from a puppy, (not that that fact matters much) and that in general he is just a very difficult dog to run with his crazy stride and drifty tendencies. I need to remember how hard it was just to keep him on course when we first started. I think I should be a little bit proud of myself and especially proud of him for trying so hard with everything he does. Everyone has their own path to success and some people's paths are a lot shorter than others, but I truly do think we can get there in our own time. I know that there is no other dog that I could be sharing these experiences with.