Roller coasters

After a fun dinner at Olive Garden with a bunch of cool people Saturday night, a few of us went to the Mall of America in pursuit of amusement park rides. I can't really remember the last time I rode any sort of ride, and I'm quite a weenie when it comes to that kind of thing anyway. Kelsey and I got on a roller coaster opposite a six year old boy and his dad. He had apparently riden the roller coaster many many times and said he wasn't scared at all, but, as his dad told us, he always forgot how big and scary it was until he was on it again. The ascent was nerve-wracking and terrifying and from the first drop on we screamed our heads off the entire time, probably scaring that kid more than the ride itself did. Afterwards we couldn't stop talking about how much fun it was and how we felt like we could do anything now, even run any and every international course imaginable. It perplexes me that something so terrifying and scream worthy could also be so much fun.

How do you come back from an event like tryouts? I'll have to figure that out in the days or weeks to come. I came into the weekend expecting to run and watch some fun and difficult agility, and while that of course happened the event hardly turned out to be about the actual agility at all. I have never in my agility career felt so excited, so happy, so content, so at home, so welcomed, and so embraced. For being possibly the most high pressure agility event around, I've never been to a show that was as supportive and fun as tryouts. Never once did I feel scared, awkward, or out of place. (I didn't even feel awkward when, after I was introduced to John Nys, I blurted out "I already know who you are because you guys are so awesome but it's really nice to finally meet you!" Yeah, dork.) Yes, I felt more nervous (and way more excited!) at running agility than I ever have before, but I also had this overall feeling of contentment that I haven't felt in an agility setting in...well I'm actually not sure I've ever felt that way.

Now back to my original question, how to I come back from that? How do I hold on to feeling and what do I do with it? It is quite confusing to be honest. In the first hour of driving back from the event, I felt a huge wave of sadness and broke down crying. Anyone that knows me will know how I've been feeling about agility lately. I was fully prepared for this to be "it" for us. We would still do a few shows every once in awhile, but overall we would be done. I wasn't going to pursue any sort of goals with Panic. I did not think I loved the sport anymore and I did not think I particularly belonged in the agility community, at least that is how I've felt for quite a long time now. In any case, agility for agility's sake was not going to keep me going. I just thought it was time for me to move on. But going to tryouts reawakened the part of me that is in love with the sport and the pursuit of improvement. Most importantly I realized how many amazing people there are in agility and how happy I am to call so many of them my friends and to have made so many more at this event.

I don't know what I'm going to do with all these feelings except that I will be doing a bit more agility now. Who knows what's to come of that.