Nationals

Aside from TTB, Panic and I didn't have any clean rounds at Nationals. I was disappointed by this but not particularly surprised considering the circumstances: my absence and lack of training combined with the highly charged and overwhelming environment. As always, Panic was perfect and gave it his all. I can't say the same for myself.

Nationals, wow. What a mixed bag of emotions for me. Many times the size and busyness of the event made me want to curl up into a ball and hide, which is exactly what I did. Panic's crate (which we originally got for Toby) is large enough for me to crawl into and nap. Me and giant crowds of people don't mix well for long periods of time. I always take long walks with Panic at shows, but this show site didn't provide much in the way of walking, making it difficult for me to recharge.

All of those things are just excuses though. The real point is that throughout the weekend my heart was just not in agility. I knew this before. My heart hasn't been in agility for about a year and a half. I used to be kept up every night thinking about it. I used to dream about it and plan my days around it and the best most exciting part of my week was when I got to go to agility class or if I had a show. I've tried to get agility back into my heart in this time period. I've gone further away and to bigger events--regionals, nationals, tryouts--trying to find that joy. Occasionally I would feel it again, I really would. I've had times when I've felt excited and ambitious and giddy over getting to do agility. I felt that way watching the challenger round and finals at nationals--my favorite part of the weekend. Nothing beats the super-charged all or nothing atmosphere of those events. I really want to feel that way overall about agility again, but right now it's just not going to happen. Quitting agility isn't something I'm considering. I just need to redefine my relationship with it, especially due to the limited time I have to do it now. Agility will always be there. I think one day down the line it will become a big part of my life again.

In light of this, I've decided not to go to Tryouts or to try for the EO team. Since we've been mostly doing AKC lately, I'm going to move Panic down to 20" and see how he does and work on getting our MACh. Nationals isn't really on our radar for either venue, especially with the new qualifying rules for AKC. I don't want to spend my entire summer trialling when last year we were able to Q in just a few shows. I'm sure Panic would much rather run around in fields and swim and hike every weekend, and honestly so would I. Agility is too expensive and time consuming to do without joy in your heart.

Nationals JWW
Nationals Standard
Nationals Hybrid

Overall though, I did have a lot of fun at Nationals. It was especially thrilling to see my friends have such amazing runs and see many of them running in the finals. Although my heart wasn't in it, I loved seeing the drive and passion all around me and to feed off of that energy. Agility is a great sport with fantastic, kind, driven, funny, wonderful people and dogs. It's worth it to continue, however minimally, just for that.