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This weekend was a very good one for me and I'm hoping the rest of the week will be even better. This year we have an entire week off for fall break, and it really couldn't have come at a better time. Friday morning I headed south for a XC meet. My mom came and brought both dogs, which was so nice. The guys team LOVED Panic and he felt the same. 20 different guys to choose from to throw the stick? Awesome. 20 different guys to tug with? AWESOME. My race actually went well, I was focused and confident. Maybe I've finally found my stride, or maybe it was just the little boost of happiness and confidence I got from being reunited with Panic as well as a wee bit of redirected anger.
Saturday and Sunday I went to an AKC show, first show since June! Despite hail and wind and ridiculous cold I actually enjoyed myself quite a bit. I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that I didn't know a single person at this show. Bizarre, as it's a place I've trialed before and well within the range of Louisville. But honestly it was so nice, I can't believe how relaxing it was to not know anyone. I could focus 100% on myself and not worry about socializing or avoiding people or feeling left out or feeling obligated to interact with others. A tiny little voice in my head tells me that I should feel guilty about feeling this way (for reasons I can't even pinpoint), but that voice needs to realize that it's a good thing to begin to understand what exactly makes me feel uncomfortable in any given situation. And since I've felt so damn weird at shows the past few years, it was nice to have one variable isolated and see how that affected me.
The runs themselves were fun and that's all I wanted. I decided that startlines were not very fun so no more startlines for the most part. Panic decided that also applies to tables so we ran into a bit of trouble with that. My handling is weird and sloppy and I felt like I was running like a chicken with my head cut off but it feels so good to honestly not really care at all and just run run run.
Weeeeeee
And this run, a Q and fun but what the heck is going on with my handling? I don't know.
After the show I drove back to Wooster for the night. Panic's first time in Wooster! It is a nice time to be here because there isn't anyone on campus. Very peaceful. My one housemate that's still here for break is in love, he won't stop taking pictures of him. I understand completely.
Tomorrow I drive 9 hours to Vermont. I think a few days in a cabin will really help me relax as well as give me ample time to explore my thoughts. I'm bringing lots of books, lots of paper to write and draw, and lots of snacks. I don't know how things are going to be when break is over, but I only have control over my own thoughts and actions and I have to accept that. I can't control how other people are going to behave, but I can control how I react to it. Baby steps.
On the drive this weekend I randomly popped in my old Powerpuff Girls CD. Yes I unabashedly love(d) that show. I mean, a cartoon with 3 female protagonist that save the world and beat up bad guys but with a central message of love and nonviolence? A great show for a little girl to grow up on. But this song, I forgot it existed and I heard it and it made me so happy I nearly cried. Very cheesy and cutesy but oh how I love it.
You can't hurt me with the things that you do, I'll pick up dandelions and I'll give them to you.
Saturday and Sunday I went to an AKC show, first show since June! Despite hail and wind and ridiculous cold I actually enjoyed myself quite a bit. I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that I didn't know a single person at this show. Bizarre, as it's a place I've trialed before and well within the range of Louisville. But honestly it was so nice, I can't believe how relaxing it was to not know anyone. I could focus 100% on myself and not worry about socializing or avoiding people or feeling left out or feeling obligated to interact with others. A tiny little voice in my head tells me that I should feel guilty about feeling this way (for reasons I can't even pinpoint), but that voice needs to realize that it's a good thing to begin to understand what exactly makes me feel uncomfortable in any given situation. And since I've felt so damn weird at shows the past few years, it was nice to have one variable isolated and see how that affected me.
The runs themselves were fun and that's all I wanted. I decided that startlines were not very fun so no more startlines for the most part. Panic decided that also applies to tables so we ran into a bit of trouble with that. My handling is weird and sloppy and I felt like I was running like a chicken with my head cut off but it feels so good to honestly not really care at all and just run run run.
Weeeeeee
And this run, a Q and fun but what the heck is going on with my handling? I don't know.
After the show I drove back to Wooster for the night. Panic's first time in Wooster! It is a nice time to be here because there isn't anyone on campus. Very peaceful. My one housemate that's still here for break is in love, he won't stop taking pictures of him. I understand completely.
Tomorrow I drive 9 hours to Vermont. I think a few days in a cabin will really help me relax as well as give me ample time to explore my thoughts. I'm bringing lots of books, lots of paper to write and draw, and lots of snacks. I don't know how things are going to be when break is over, but I only have control over my own thoughts and actions and I have to accept that. I can't control how other people are going to behave, but I can control how I react to it. Baby steps.
On the drive this weekend I randomly popped in my old Powerpuff Girls CD. Yes I unabashedly love(d) that show. I mean, a cartoon with 3 female protagonist that save the world and beat up bad guys but with a central message of love and nonviolence? A great show for a little girl to grow up on. But this song, I forgot it existed and I heard it and it made me so happy I nearly cried. Very cheesy and cutesy but oh how I love it.
You can't hurt me with the things that you do, I'll pick up dandelions and I'll give them to you.