This is a post about me.

[aardogs]

Here is a song you may listen to while reading this (or not but it's an awesome song.)

I very often feel terrible when I have to leave Panic at home. It is very tough to want to live two lives at once. On the one hand, I would love to be living at home, showing and training and maybe raising a puppy. I would love for agility to be my main focus and I would love to chase big dreams and go to Nationals every year. Mostly I would just love to get to be around my dog every day and not every few weeks and sometimes months.

On the other hand, if agility was my main focus I would never get to experience the things I do at Wooster. I would never get to be here at Wooster. Every single day here is packed from beginning to end from classes, to cross country, to meetings, clubs, homework, making hats, building wooden structures, becoming a Dungeon Master (if you didn't think I was nerdy before) and--sometimes--relaxing and being social. Oh it's a rough life, I know.

It's no secret that I am the kind of person that wants to do everything, and well. I want to be the best. I have long ago accepted that that isn't going to happen, but that doesn't make it any easier to accept. What do you mean I can't leave my dog at home for months then come back for two days and have a perfect weekend of agility? What do you mean I don't have time to take and edit hundreds of photos one night then wake up the next morning and PR at a Cross Country race? Why is it silly that my career aspiration is to be a dairy farmer/photojournalist/illustrator/radio dj?

Seriously, I want and try to do everything. I got to be a photographer at one of our school's biggest events and it was awesome. I did not PR at my cross country race the next morning but I RAN it (and that counts for something). A few weeks from now I will have my own radio show. Four days a week I spend at least three hours creating art. Every time I go home I get to see this.



And at school I get this.


Photo ©Susan Bradley

People tell me that now is the time for me to do everything, to explore the world literally and figuratively. Other people tell me that I need stop being ridiculous and wasting my eduction when I should aspire to law school or medical school. I'm not sure I would make a good doctor or lawyer.

A few years ago I learned to always follow my heart regardless of what other people think is right for me. Most people have good intentions, most people want to see you succeed and be stable, comfortable, and well-adjusted (whatever that means). I am very grateful to the people out there that care so much about me, but I've never regretted a decision I've made with my heart so logic be damned.

I don't think I will ever make the World Team or shoot for National Geographic or have my own show on NPR. It takes a special kind of person to do Big Things and I'm just not sure I'm that kind of person--though I can't say I won't still try. Despite my ridiculous aspirations, I'm pretty sure I'm going to be okay even if I don't get to do anything "big" with my life. I love all the experiences I get to have and all the people (and the dog) I get to experience them with.

Comments

[foggydogs.livejournal.com]

You've already done big things, switching schools was huge and you found the right school for you. College is a fantastic time of life, just treasure and enjoy. Panic will be happy to see you no matter where or when.

[aardogs.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Yes that was pretty big.

[nosemovie.livejournal.com]

That's an excellent song for this post. Very excellent.

Sounds like you are getting a TON of advice, so I won't add to it, but to say "Be honest"

Think about what's true, and follow that. You'll be soooo glad you did. :)

[aardogs.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I try to be honest! I can't believe how hard it can be sometimes.

[nosemovie.livejournal.com]

Lots of things conspire to keep us from discovering the truth about ourselves and about life in general. Lots of pressures, and social norms and religions and politics... etc. It's not for the faint of heart this honesty thing. But it MAKES YOU STRONG! Soooo worth it!

[rita-cockersbcs.livejournal.com]

Sorry if I sound old and possibly parental (I am almost twice your age after all...), but it sounds like you are having some awesome and enriching experiences at college -- exploring talents which you probably didn't even realize you had before -- which is *perfect* :) This is such an amazing time in your life and I hope you do get to try everything you want to. And I hope you also get to spend quality time with Panic too -- whether or not agility related -- he doesn't care :)

FWIW, I *know* you could make World Team, but your life circumstances/choices may dictate otherwise. That doesn't take away from your talent. Maybe just recognizing your own talent (even without formal recognition) will be satisfying enough, and still leave you with enough time to try everything else you want to :)

Your last paragraph reminds me of the quote I recently shared from Shaun White's FB page, which really resonated with me: "If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way."

[aardogs.livejournal.com]

Ahhh I love that quote, thanks!! Small things are the best things.

Thanks Rita :)

[moodypdx.livejournal.com]

Did you know the heart sends more information to the brain than the brain sends to the heart? And the heart’s electrical field is almost 60 times greater in amplitude than that of the brain and is more than 5000 times greater in strength than the brain’s electrical field. (stats taken from a few studies)

So I say it is okay to follow your heart because you are meant to.

[nosemovie.livejournal.com]

you made all that up! ;)

[moodypdx.livejournal.com]

True story.

[nosemovie.livejournal.com]

Wow, who knew the heart was such a blabbermouth?

[aardogs.livejournal.com]

Whoa that's cool.

[purpledogs.livejournal.com]

Yes yes yes (no I didn't know, but yes, fantastic).

[penichops.livejournal.com]

Proffesor Moodypdx, you astound me

[purpledogs.livejournal.com]

You know how a lot of days it feels like we don't have much time on earth at all? And yeah that's true. But do you ever get those days where it feels like we have SO much time? So much. And we can choose to fill that time with whatever we want.

If you choose to fill that time by making the world team or shooting for National Geographic, I have no doubt in my mind you will do it. If you choose to fill that time being awesome in a crazy amount of other ways, I have no doubt in my mind you will do these things, too.

Greatest post. Keep rockin'. School is so fun.

[aardogs.livejournal.com]

Thank you Tori. I think "crazy" is the key word there. ;)

Sometimes I feel SO old at my ripe old age of 21, and sometimes I feel like I've barely begun to live. It's pretty awesome.

[penichops.livejournal.com]

I have no advice

But do you ever stuggle with the concept of feeling satisfaction?

[aardogs.livejournal.com]

Yes I do you mind reader. I think this is one reason why I become invested in so many things at once. For me it is all about the process. This often comes up when I'm making any kind of art. I love to do it, but once I've created something I feel no satisfaction at the end product. No attachment or sense of achievement at creating a finished piece of art. I have to constantly have several projects going on that I'm often obsessively invested in to stay content.

[penichops.livejournal.com]

Excellent, I have a buddy. The highs of having multiple exciting projects are so damn bitchin.