Crossing it.

[aardogs]

It was really windy. The wind blew my hat off and I had to chase it like a mad woman across the beach. Sand hit my exposed ankles like a million tiny pin pricks.



Panic played with a doodle and chased the waves and the seagulls.





Tomorrow I go back. I'm scared to go back. A peer of mine died over spring break while backpacking. I didn't know him, but many of my close friends did. A professor I had last semester died a few weeks ago. She had cancer, but she died in a car crash. My best friend in back in rehab. I don't understand any of my relationships, not even with myself. This is an overwhelming time, but that's not new. It's been overwhelming for months and months. I'm worried I'll become numb to it all. Some days I want to run away and hide, and other days I want to throw myself right into the heart of it.



The ocean is so uncomprehesively large, it is easy to obtain a sense of infinity by staring at it. It can make you feel overwhelmed and fearful and very very tiny. But people have crossed it. People have crossed it, but not alone. 

Comments

[matildasmom.livejournal.com]

Your photos really make me feel the vastness of the ocean. I'm sorry you're having such a rough time.

[penichops.livejournal.com]

And then once you've finished thinking about that, you could think about how we have hundreds of thousands of colonies of microbes inside of ourselves, we are a walking planet giving life. Both huge and tiny all at once. Significant and insignificant. Then I realise I'm in a dirty big grey area and so get the hell out of there because that's some scary shit.

[winniepoodle.livejournal.com]

If this were a facebook post I would "like" it and then wonder if I should have.

[meecie.livejournal.com]

Sorry this is a rough time for you. So many transitions, so little time.

[nosemovie.livejournal.com]

I'm going to respectfully disagree with Meecie (Karin) and say that life is a transition every single day. Choices, variances, the ability to move this way or that, and then even (often) move back in a day or two. And there's nothing but time. Which I mean to say that mistakes will be made, and mended, and learned from and then quite possibly made again. I'm glad your heart took you to the ocean. Mine doesn't like all the sand. ;) But when I go places my heart takes me, I'm usually quite happy with the results.

xoxoxox

[winniepoodle.livejournal.com]

So weird, it is a constantly changing experience, and yet there is this very large part of us that PROTEST the change. As if there were anyway it could be resisted. I am starting to find that actually pretty funny.

[nosemovie.livejournal.com]

Ha! this! Me too. I have spent a large portion of my life trying to hold by tides. Like trying to scoop out the ocean with a bucket. IMPOSSIBLE but yet, I was doing it. And it made me incredibly sad. Now I realize that ocean is supposed to be exactly the way it is. (ya know, minus the pollution...)

[nosemovie.livejournal.com]

Back the tides, not by the tides. Not nearly enough coffee this morning

[meecie.livejournal.com]

I don't think that's disagreement so much as perspective. Sometimes those transitions are easier than others.

[winniepoodle.livejournal.com]

I hope you don't feel alone. Because you don't have to. Your LJ friends are sharing your journey, and if you need them to be in physical proximity, we can bring you here.

[foggydogs.livejournal.com]

I'm with Heidi. Hoping the best for you, we all do.

[hycaliber.livejournal.com]

Yes, yes, yes, we are here for you Adrian!