it's over it's over it's over (good riddance)

[aardogs]

I found myself in an interesting metaphor on Tuesday. I was set to drive home to Louisville from Wooster with all my things, a solo task that results in my tiny car being filled to the brim, back seat, front seat, trunk. This year I volunteered at the last minute to transport two people with me who had no other options left. I found myself trying to fit all of the contents of my life into the trunk to make room for these people and their things. I had to get rid or leave behind a lot in order to fit them. A great metaphor perhaps for the personal sacrifices you have to make in order to help others. In the past, maybe even sometime last year, those sacrifices would have been personally detrimental, but in reality all the things I left behind were things I didn't need anyway. I am extremely happy to get rid of things I don't need to make room for people I care about. The way I'm learning to care for other people now is a way that is also nourishing to myself.

Sappy, I know, but I'm trying so incredibly hard to focus on the things I've gained from this school year rather than all the awful things--all the times I found myself driving on country roads in the middle of the night screaming and crying at the top of my lungs, breaking glass bottles on the side of my house, down down down into the depths of depression that I haven't felt in years, watching others struggle with death, struggle with substance abuse, struggle with mental illness, struggle with academics, struggle with idea of having to live at all anymore...

This year, the craziest year of my life, I made it. I made it to summer. Not because I was strong, but because there is no other option but to make it. Time keeps moving forward and the universe really doesn't give a shit.

(tiny snapshots of me and some of my lovely friends that just graduated)

I'm here in Louisville for the next two weeks before moving to Chicago. Lots of reading and lots of dog drawing to be done in that time. Oh, and breathing. Lots and lots of breathing.

Comments

[gordongirls.livejournal.com]

It's nice that you have exciting summer plans to take you away (both literally and figuratively) from the past year. You can close the book on some things and look forward to the start of many new experiences. I hope you have a great time in Chicago.

[nosemovie.livejournal.com]

I have found not being able to fit things from my old life into the getaway vehicle to be very freeing. Have a refreshing break my friend.

[aardogs.livejournal.com]

Seriously, so much to let go of all the time. Sometimes it's better to be forced to do it.

[penichops.livejournal.com]

Oooooow, such a mighty decision! Love or stuff? You are so good to choose love. MORE POSTING! I barely know about this crazy summer ;) or not. That's cool too :)

Hi Panic

[aardogs.livejournal.com]

Well love has never led me astray, stuff has.

[aardogs.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah I was going to say also that I go back and forth between wanting to post a lot and thinking that no one probably cares about my life apart from dogs, so I usually decide not to post. Thought that maybe you could relate to that. ;)

[semperfido.livejournal.com]

I am not a religious person... But I have learned to listen to the universe. I've been In places many a time that I've felt the universe doesn't give a shit. There will come a time that you will see it does. I didn't listen and it had to projectile vomit on me to get me to make a change. I firmly believe we are in charge of our own destinies but I also believe a bit in serendipity and fate and sometimes universal forces that push and pull on us all just a little.

Anyway, glad you made it and this summer sounds so exciting.

[aardogs.livejournal.com]

I go back and forth on this. It's hard right now for me to see it any other way, but in reality all the hardest things I've ever gone through have lead me to the best places in life--the places I felt like I was "meant to be".