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This is a really boring post that probably doesn't make a lot of sense. Just some things that have been spinning around in my head. I'll try to keep it interesting by inserting random and unrelated pictures of my dogs.



Sometimes I think about why I want to be successful in (among other things) agility. Of course there is a huge competitive part of me that pushes me to be the best. There is such a thrill to try to push yourself to higher levels. But there is another huge part of me that wants to achieve success so that I can have an impact on other people. Basically this translates to the fact that I want to feel as though I have knowledge to pass on to others. I want to help others achieve success. I want to teach. It is one of my greatest joys in life to feel as though I have made a positive impact (however small) on other people. I think that could be interpreted as a desire for attention. Maybe in some respects it is. But this is a bit odd for me because I don't particularly like getting a lot of attention. I have this weird duality between being a person that tends to shrink into the background of things (quite happily) and being a person that, as mentioned, loves teaching and inspiring and captivating people. I don't consider myself a shy person, but I am generally quiet and unassuming. I lay low in most social situations I am in. I'm perfectly fine being around a ton of people and not saying a word, just enjoying the company of others without feeling like a huge part of the acton. Nope, I am not the life of the party. 



I was teaching agility for awhile. For a lot of reasons including an overall lack of time, I'm not teaching agility right now (I am teaching gymnastics still!) but a big reason is me questioning whether or not I have any grounds to teach at all. Do I actually have knowledge that could benefit others? And if I do, do I actually have the ability to effectively pass on that knowledge? I love teaching when I feel confident about what I'm teaching, but confidence is something that I often lack. 



I don't really know what the point of the this is or if it even has a point. What I am pretty confident about is the fact that I am going to be a teacher. Like, a school teacher. This is a feeling I've had for a long time but don't think about too often. I don't particularly need to focus on that aspect of my life currently; I'll get there when I get there. I just feel, fundamentally, that teaching is what I should do. Its that impact you can have on a person's life, knowing you've played a part in helping someone reach their own success, is something amazing. So many teachers have had such a huge impact on who I am as a person. They are people that I will never in my life forget. They are amazing, inspiring, intelligent, and deeply caring people. I'm really not sure I could ever be that person, but I would really really like to try. 


Date: 2012-04-07 06:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aardogs.livejournal.com
Oh don't apologize, I love hearing about other people's experiences! Teaching is incredibly exhausting, and I haven't even done it that much! Whenever I am teaching I find myself thinking about it ALL the time, obsessing and worrying and wondering about the students and how they feel about my teaching and if they are getting anything out of it and how I can more effectively convey something.

Even though I'm not teaching right now, I still often find myself planning out how I would teach a certain concept, how I would structure a class, or things that I would love to teach. Yeah, I fantasize about teaching! If the opportunity for me to teach comes along I will definitely take it again.

Date: 2012-04-07 07:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] penichops.livejournal.com
Can totally understand the obsessing, oh totally understand.

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